Romantic Realism

Kate and I have been dating for over four years. We’ve pretty much mastered the art of being romantic without having sex. It’s hard (that’s what she said), but to us the possibility of separating someday is laughable. Not because we’re better than anybody else. We’re not. But because the foundation of our relationship is crazy-strong. We aren’t focused on divorce prevention. We’re focused on each other.

The dating scene these days is like holding tryouts. Some people just don’t make the cut. In fact, it seems like more and more often, nobody makes the cut. We keep holding tryouts (for years) until we settle for less than prince charming (or the female equivalent). And then when social standards of romance exceed our own romantic experiences, we bail. That is, when we compare The Notebook to our own love stories, we think that something is wrong with us. So we give up.

There has been a lot of scholarship lately attributing the high divorce rate to romanticism. The Church, too, has been asserting that the 'soul-mate complex' isn't biblical, and that to think a fairy godmother will turn pumpkins into carriages so that you can find prince charming at the ball simply isn't real. A RELEVANT Magazine article entitled 'The Dangers of Emotional Pornography' said that the idealism of romance portrayed in the media provides a misconception of the reality of emotional relationships, just as porn provides a misconception of how sex really is. The author said romance in the movies is unachievable and that in order to be okay with our relationships, we have to lower our expectations.

However, I say we need to raise our expectations, not of what we expect to get from the opposite sex, but of what we ought to give.

Folks are saying that romance isn't realistic, that magic has no power to act in real relationships. If being realistic is the only thing that can save our relationships, then let's get real.

Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loves the Church and gave Himself up for her."

What did/is Christ do(ing) for His Bride? He came down from His heavenly throne, where He was worshipped unceasingly with His Father, to earth, where, from the moment He was born, there was a price on His head. He lived to teach, heal and rebuke evil in order to begin to establish a Kingdom for whose benefit? That's right, ours. He, being in His very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to His advantage, but made Himself nothing, taking on the nature of a servant; He humbled Himself and was obedient to death, even death on a cross, for us (Philippians 2:6-8). He has been preparing a home for us for the last two thousand years. He is literally adding to our number daily those who are being saved. Jesus is the single most romantic man to have walked this planet. He is my soul-mate. He completes me. He's our prince charming; our knight in shining armor.

And when people laugh at you because you believe in romantic magic, don't forget that a fairy godmother turning pumpkins into carriages is child's play. Jesus turned water into wine, healed the sick, raised the dead, cast out demons, multiplied loaves and fishes, calmed storms... frick, John even says that if all of the magical things Jesus did were written down, the whole world couldn't contain them all (John 21:25). And the greatest miracle, the one that makes us able to be His Bride in the first place, is that He transformed my disgusting old soul into one that God does not condemn. He died to save me.

The fairy godmother makes carriages from pumpkins (that only last 'til midnight), Jesus transforms human souls, and we say that the old fairy is a bit too idealistic to be real?

So, as a man, I'm getting mixed signals. Some Christians say we need to expect less of real relationships. But Paul is telling me that I need to humble myself, become a servant, and give my life for my wife. Simply put, Paul is calling men to be more romantic than any man in any movie has ever been. He's saying that, whatever your plans were, change them, because your life ain't about you anymore, it's now about your girl.